One of the few advantages of working in a law office (besides getting to use an industrial shredder that can DEMOLISH a hundred pages at once) is that I get to read hilarious police reports. I didn’t know so many things are illegal. Fish one too many salmon? fish and game is watching you with binoculars. bam. ticket. Own too much Sudafed? you might make meth. bam. prison.
Okay, I’m simplifying things a bit, but I’m not kidding. Those were actual cases we dealt with. Our country is filled with a ridiculous amount of ridiculous laws. At work, I see how people’s livelihoods are jeopardized by just stupid mistakes. I’ve always wanted to glance inside the mind of some hardcore cop. See how he views all the people he arrests. Well yesterday at work, I found a glimpse.
I didn’t scan the original because it had some confidential information, but I did retype it. Some of it was unfortunately illegible. This is hilarious. Fu Manchu is a legally recognized facial hair style.
The list has provided me with quite a number of ways to spend my time:
1. Think what process they went through in order to decide what categories should be placed on the list. Have there really been that many people that talk with some weird voice in order to include disguised?. Other favorites include: unusual odor, greasy hair, and good looking.
2. Imagine hilarious combinations: a guy with a receding, greasy afro, with a lower lip mustache, ruddy skin, who is disguised, with a disorganized demeanor,with a highpitched offensively stuttered speech, a round face and tinted glasses. I was going to photoshop this image, but my computer almost exploded.
3. Go to a party and categorize the people you see. Is there a greasy, bald dude with a goatee? Does he have a hand tattoo? Possibilities are (not literally) endless.