My Tea Partier friend’s rants on Burning Man

For those of you who do not know what Burning Man is, it’s kinda like this:

For those of you who don’t know what the Tea Party Movement is, it’s kinda like this:

Billiam Rooney (name changed) is my 40 year old friend that I play scrabble with every single day.  We mostly play online, which over the course of several hours, allows us to rant about pretty much whatever is on our mind.   Part of the time, it’s Bill letting me know that the eco-nazis are ruining this country.  Part of the time, it’s Bill saying that big government is going to destroy the economy.  Part of the time, it’s one of us ranting, while the other one doesn’t even respond directly to what the other is saying. Example:

Rooney – i just ate some rancid horseradish. ugh..I think I’m gonna puke

Me – i’m crazy multitasking.  doing everything so poorly

Yea, that makes me sound heartless, but in actuality, that’s just how we talk to each other.

So, with Burning Man less than a week away, Billiam found a new favorite topic of conversation: Burners.

On Sunday, Billiam had this to say (through facebook chat)* :

burning man is so stupid.

the last thing on earth I want to do is drive out to a dry lake bed with a bunch of people like Water Emu Tango Squirrel [editor’s note: a hippy we both know – name changed] to light an effigy on fire and look at a bunch of big bad art made by SF queers and PAY for the privelege.

there’s not even a’s not even a music festival…

I like the naked chicks though

but they aren’t even bathed

At this point, I did not really respond to or argue with Billiam (it’s useless to do so), but I did inform him “i am so gonna quote you on that” for my blog.  He continued:

I mean…people just say “well you’ve never been so your opinions done count” and while I can see their point, I’ve seen WHO goes to burning man as well as plenty of pictures of what goes on there and it just seems like a douche fest of flaming SF narcissistic artists …it’s kid’s stuff, and those that never grew out of high school mentality

everyone I know with the exception of one person I know that has gone to burning man are showy douche bag smelly hippies that spin fire

you know what every time there’s some clicky club fad cult like event (like burning man), the people who like it say things like “oh you wouldn’t understand why it’s great unless you go” but then there’s guys like that that are saying “it’s a big shitty dust fest” and their usually right

no thanks..I wouldn’t go if I had a free ticket…sitting in the windy/dusty desert with no band, no guns and no offroading, no nothing that’s fun in the desert..fuck it

no reason

the big art is way cool sometimes..but I can see pics of it, or go to a hippy parade to see it


I received a random message from Billiam:

I bet if someone bombed burning man, California would be a red state again.

Let me say now that this was 100% unprovoked.  I had not mentioned Burning Man at all in our conversations.


Billiam brings up Burning Man again:

can you believe people pay money to go out into a dry lake in the desert in 110 degree heat to hang out with a bunch of smelly new agers and hippies and art douches

so they can all sit around and go “aren’t we great? Isn’t this cool? Where ever it’s at this is the spot…whatever ‘it’ is”

then burn down a bunch of surplus lumber

it’s unbelievable the extent herd-minded people will go to to be in the herd


I guess Burning Man was really on Billiam’s mind.

just think…there’s thousands of Water Emu-esque douchebags headed out to go sit in a dusty dry lake in 110 degree heat and they PAID for the priviledgethat is amazingly lemming likeamazing how group-think makes people think sitting in a dry lake in 110 degree heat is “fun” and worth paying for the ritualistic aspect of burning man is cool, but the douche-o-rama factor is way not cool…it’s like an elemental celebration of fire, I guess [editor’s note – notice how similar this is to the argument on Tuesday]well I sail on Firedancer [name of his boat – name changed]…that’s as much celebration of the element of fire I’m gonna get..that and shooting

Shooting from a boat is way better than this…

At this point, I realized how amazingly comedic Bill was, yet unwittingly so, and began to ask him some leading questions.

ME – how do you feel about naked people at burning man?

BILL – if it’s hot get naked.

if it was freezing cold and they got naked…I’d question their sanity

burning man is just a bunch of vain extroverts like Water Emu that want people to pay attention to them

“look at me , look at me, look my art is bigger than your art, look at me” Like little kids…all victims of parental neglect and two income households

ME – but don’t you think they legitimately like it?

BILL – being naked? Or needing attention? Of course they like getting attention but the need for attention is a symptom of an undeveloped self-esteem like a four year old child that always demands their parent’s to “look at me mom , look at me”

they’re weak people


and horrendously self -absorbed

when a person is four, it’s cute, when they’re 35 it’s just sad

it’s like the worse camping environs you can ever imagine

it’s funny bc on the burningman webpage they talk about how it’s an exercise of self-reliance, but psychologically speaking, it’s exactly the opposite of that…irony

it’s a sense of self from being in a group/cult/herd

see…the collective psyche has an ironic sense of humar

shit like that makes my smile

comic relief from the tragedy of burners


[NB – I did not edit anything that Bill said except for a few typos.  I also did remove some parts of our conversation because it varies between talking bout burning man to scrabble.]



9 thoughts on “My Tea Partier friend’s rants on Burning Man

  1. ” ‘look at me , look at me, look my art is bigger than your art, look at me’ Like little kids…all victims of parental neglect and two income households”

    he seems rather obsessed, and in love with hearing his own voice, especially for somebody who claims to hate attention whores… ohh Billiam, will you ever learn?

    Also.. Water Emu is a total douche. Damn element flightless bird jerk offs.. they’re all the same.

    • He was actually asked for his opinion, or at least in a conversation. Oooooooooh rickety tickey perry whheeeeeen wiiiil YOU ever learn ?

    • Wow. Like. Wow. You seem,( now I am only saying this to better the world here ok ?) to have some like real passive aggressive control issues.

  2. This is the best thing I’ve seen about Burning Man in nearly a decade. As soon as I stop giggling, I’m forwarding this to my right-wing buddy, because we’ve had these talks *verbatim*.

  3. This reminded me of the scene in Bridesmaids, where the roommate reads Kristin Wig’s diary.

    “At first I didn’t know it was your diary… I thought it was a sad, handwritten book.”

  4. I agree with the sentiment that “Billiam” seems to be obsessed for some reason.

    Kudos to you for having the patience and tolerance to interact with him regularly. On the other hand, I think when we connect with another person as a *person* rather than as a stereotype, we can look past a lot of differences.

  5. Pingback: Burning Man smoldering with Hippie Unrest! | HAHABUDA

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