The Five Dumbest Harry Potter Merchandise Items at the Official Online Store

I’m on the low side of the spectrum of Harry Potter fandom.  And I’m saying that when I’ve read all 7 books, seen all the movies and have eaten Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Jelly Beans.  Geek fandom just has such high standards!  Of course the studios are going to milk it by making the dumbest movie merchandise that the “hardcore” fan “must have”.  Below you will some of my favorite examples from the Warner Brothers Harry Potter online store.

1.  Harry Potter Authentic Replica Adult Invisibility Cloak –  $354.95 (down from $429.95)

I understand that fans needs their special costumes to wear at conventions, Harry Potter themed parties and while doing laundry.  I get it. But $400 for an invisibility cloak that (surprise) doesn’t make you invisible?

What surprises me more is the amount of people who bought the item and actually expected anything better than something your blind grandma could make.

I did not find this product very fun at all, it is very thick and heavy and well it cost alot of money so i was expecting better quality. As soon as i had a look at it in my own hands i knew the purchase was a mistake, i should have invested in something for my car instead with that kind of money. This product is a waste of money, i got no good comments apart from that it doesnt actually turn you invisible.

A few reviewers said that they were angry that the description doesn’t clarify that the cloak doesn’t make you invisible.  Really?  Why do people like this get $500 to blow on Harry Potter gear. Also I like how the product was not “very fun at all”.  What do you do with this for fun? Run around the house pretending you are invisible and try to sneak up on your cat not so ironically named Hedwig?  SOUNDS LIKE A BALL.

2.  Harry Potter Adult Voldemort Mask

I’ve always though Voldemort (especially aesethically) was an odd choice as the ultimate villain.  Two moments stand out for me.  When he looks like a baby:

Aw isn’t he cute

When he’s on the back of that guys head in the Sorcerer’s Stone:

Voldy’s always giving me a weird vibe, maybe it’s the fact that I’ve always picture him doing the Hannibal Lecter licking his lips thing (you know this thing).  So now you can own his heinous face, which according to reviews is wayyyy too big to fit on anyone’s normal sized head.


It actually looks scarier than the guy in the movie, you think?  It’s like Jason, meets some big-necked wrestler, meets a noseless guy!

3. Harry Potter life-sized Dobby Display Statue – $699.95

Not creepy at all

It’s kinda cute, I guess, in that weird, nightmare inducing, house elf in a pillow cloth hiding under my bed sort of way.  But for $699.95 (I’m not kidding), you’d think you would be getting a veritable slave.  And people have bought it!  The picture above was taken from a review where the guy says that he has given (fake) Dobby his own room.  That’s not weird at all!

4.  Harry Potter Ultimate Battle Trainer – $59.95

I was fortunate enough to find a commercial of this item:

At first I was a bit surprised that the WB Harry Potter store had two sections: wands and toy wands.  If a wand doesn’t make things blow up, it’s a toy.  There should not be two categories!  Then I looked at what makes something special enough to receive the honors of being called a “toy.”

Prepare to face the forces of evil with this Harry Potter ultimate duel battle trainer! The infrared wand and electronic animated Voldemort bust allow you to learn up to ten spells in three levels of difficulty in order to hone your wizardry skill!

It seems like a Bop It! but less fun and weirder.

Now Twist it! Now Cofundo it!

5.  All the overpriced personalized stuff

Some of the items would be possible to recreate with a 5 minute introduction to Photoshop.

Most of it is adding your picture next to some Harry Potter symbol. My personal least favorite is a Personalized Hogwarts Acceptance Letter (which amazingly has found itself on the best sellers’ list).


I should open up my own stand in China Town of Harry Potter Crappy Crap.  I would make a killing.  The letter doesn’t even require photoshop.  Dude, pay me $10, get 50% off and I’ll make sure the signature at the bottom is actually done with pen.  Done deal.

Did any of you have weird Harry Potter items? Let me know!


2 thoughts on “The Five Dumbest Harry Potter Merchandise Items at the Official Online Store

  1. Pingback: My parents failed attempt at being hip – Corn Cobs | HAHABUDA

  2. i ask a lot of people this but, have you seen the skits Harry potter in the new world? it comes on So random (disney channel LoL)….but its pretty funny!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s