My Top Nine Crazy Roommate Stories

For the Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23 Funniest Roommates Contest I made a video “MY INSANE ROOMMATE” – which you should all vote on (I have 24 hours of self promotion left, so I might as well roll with it). Aside: you can vote once a day, so vote again HERE (using google/youtube account)

So in the spirit of terrible roommates, I give you my terrible roommates stories.  Please share yours in the comments.

1.  The College Seniors who would throw keggers on Friday mornings at 8 am.  The girls would NEVER warn me. Then they would black out by noon, lose their jewelry/phones/clothes and then accuse me of stealing it.

2.  The SAME girls as in Number 1 who would knock on my door at 11pm, saying that my phone rang too loud and it disturbed them.

3.  I lived in a hippy co-op for two years (don’t ask).  We lived with a nudist, who used the van outside as his bedroom, which was totally fine (I ain’t picky).  but then the nudist couch surfers arrived.  I punched one when his junk got a little too close to my face.

4.  The roommate who was “on a diet” and worst of all, the Atkin’s Diet.  She would fry up FOUR SAUSAGES and shove them in her mouth with her pudgy hands.  THEN she’d smoke some weed and order the 5-5-5 deal (Remember that?) from Domino’s.  She would eat all of them to herself.  She wouldn’t share any pizza and then would eat the entire 3 pizzas over the course of 24 hours. In the meantime, the boxes would be placed around her on her bed.  I still can never look at pizza in the same way again

5.  HIPPIES.

6.  The girls I dub “The Trolls”.  Two LARGE sisters who sometimes had maggots growing on their dishes.  When I forgot to do my dishes on my birthday, they had a house meeting to discuss how inconsiderate I am.

7.  A roommate who after complaining for weeks about how she needs to do laundry, appropriates my underwear.  I found this out when I spotted it when she was wearing a mini skirt.  A girl’s gotta learn how to cross her legs.

8.  The Generic Drunk Person: Peed in my closet, forgot that he ate all my corn dogs blacked out, threw up in the shower, threw up in the kitchen sink, threw up in the freezer, hosted a party in my bedroom, etc…

9.  The roommate who threw the toaster against the wall when she found she was getting evicted.

Bad Roommates… Any good stories?

REMEMBER TO VOTE HERE SO I CAN WIN 5 GRAND

 

Darth Vader / Dark Vador Burger!

A little while ago, a food chain in France released burgers based on Star Wars.  I love gimmicks and this is my kind of gimmick: the almost inedible, processed kind with only a slight relation to the original thing they were promoting!

Because if Darth Vader was a food, he'd totally be cheeseburger with black buns...

   Personally, I think the “Dark Vador” burger looks pretty neat.  BY THE WAY, fun french fact, it’s spelled Vador instead of Vader because vader would be pronounced va-day in French.  Why they call him dark beats me… because dark does NOT mean dark in french. But they definitely don’t have the “-rth” sound.  Fun trick, make a french person say a bunch of th- words.

I’m very much disappointed in the Jedi Burger, which has 4 extra days of promotion (wtf).  Marshmallows?  Clouds? Don’t know what that white stuff is.  Also, it should be green with a voice chip inside to represent Yoda.  Just sayin. Also, that idea is now officially copywritten.  Suck it, McDonalds.

(via Buffet O’ Blog)

Amazing Image of the day: Robocop on a Unicorn

This may or may not be weird.  Last night, I may or may not have dreamt of Robocop on a unicorn.  Then, this appeared today while I may or may not have been searching the internet.  That may or may not be called a psychic experience.

As a side note, WordPress says dreamt is not a word.  Did I dream of this word too?  Maybe or Maybe not.

The Five Dumbest Harry Potter Merchandise Items at the Official Online Store

I’m on the low side of the spectrum of Harry Potter fandom.  And I’m saying that when I’ve read all 7 books, seen all the movies and have eaten Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Jelly Beans.  Geek fandom just has such high standards!  Of course the studios are going to milk it by making the dumbest movie merchandise that the “hardcore” fan “must have”.  Below you will some of my favorite examples from the Warner Brothers Harry Potter online store.

1.  Harry Potter Authentic Replica Adult Invisibility Cloak –  $354.95 (down from $429.95)

I understand that fans needs their special costumes to wear at conventions, Harry Potter themed parties and while doing laundry.  I get it. But $400 for an invisibility cloak that (surprise) doesn’t make you invisible?

What surprises me more is the amount of people who bought the item and actually expected anything better than something your blind grandma could make.

I did not find this product very fun at all, it is very thick and heavy and well it cost alot of money so i was expecting better quality. As soon as i had a look at it in my own hands i knew the purchase was a mistake, i should have invested in something for my car instead with that kind of money. This product is a waste of money, i got no good comments apart from that it doesnt actually turn you invisible.

A few reviewers said that they were angry that the description doesn’t clarify that the cloak doesn’t make you invisible.  Really?  Why do people like this get $500 to blow on Harry Potter gear. Also I like how the product was not “very fun at all”.  What do you do with this for fun? Run around the house pretending you are invisible and try to sneak up on your cat not so ironically named Hedwig?  SOUNDS LIKE A BALL.

2.  Harry Potter Adult Voldemort Mask

I’ve always though Voldemort (especially aesethically) was an odd choice as the ultimate villain.  Two moments stand out for me.  When he looks like a baby:

Aw isn’t he cute

When he’s on the back of that guys head in the Sorcerer’s Stone:

Voldy’s always giving me a weird vibe, maybe it’s the fact that I’ve always picture him doing the Hannibal Lecter licking his lips thing (you know this thing).  So now you can own his heinous face, which according to reviews is wayyyy too big to fit on anyone’s normal sized head.

rar!

It actually looks scarier than the guy in the movie, you think?  It’s like Jason, meets some big-necked wrestler, meets a noseless guy!

3. Harry Potter life-sized Dobby Display Statue – $699.95

Not creepy at all

Continue reading

Toy Story Fashion Collection – I’ve always wanted a three eyed alien sweater!

So, I know that my following statement may make some film buffs a little angry, but I stand by it.  I think that Toy Story 1 was plot-wise a perfect movie.  No questions are left unanswered!  All characters respond to situations based on their own personalities and flaws in a way that is logical, driven and interesting.  It has a pair of protagonists (Woody and Buzz) that serve as antagonists for one another and their interactions motivate their actions that build up to a climax!!!!!!  Film Major ramblings aside, the movie is so gosh darn cute and I went to the 3D double feature by myself at like 11 am on a Tuesday (granted I fell asleep, but watching movies before noon is really hard for me).

So I have a minor obsession with Toy Story, and for someone who generally hates on Disney movies, It’s kind of a big deal (I never hate on Disney music though because that stuff is awesome).

So back to the original point of my story!  The Japanese have done it again and released a very cute Toy Story collection.  Hong-Kong based Bossini has collaborated with Pixar to create a range inspired by the feature film.

Would you wear it?

.

Farmville the Movie: Sign Number #2049 that the apocalypse is upon us

Confession: I once played Farmville.   I think my attention for the game lasted one, maybe two days.  I had convinced myself over the years that a game that requires NO skill, NO strategy and (to someone with any semblance of a life) NO allure couldn’t possibly exist.  But stupidity reared its ugly head and formed Zynga’s massively popular Farmville.  I can’t really explain its gameplay because it doesn’t really seem to have any.

ooooh chickens!

So rant aside, here is the news:  talks have been in the work to create a Farmville Movie. Although not officially confirmed, the script would be written by Alec Sokolow and Joel Cohen who co-wrote Toy Story (but also Cheaper by the Dozen and Garfield).  Come on Hollywood, are you really this out of ideas?

Um... Maybe they are

Word on the street is that Mafia Wars is being transformed into a film as well, which has brought a debate of which (facebook!) game would have a better transition onto the silver screen.  Let me throw my two cents in… it’s gonna be crap either way.  Or I have an idea, merge the two concepts and save the world 90 minutes… MafiaVille – FarmWars (hmmm, that’s my idea Hollywood!)

Source AVCLUB

P.S. Insightful Vanity Fair profile on Zynga games HERE – worth the read

 

 

 

 

The morbidly eccentric Werner Herzog cast as villain in upcoming action movie

Herzog is a miserable, hateful, malevolent, avaricious, money-hungry, nasty, sadistic, treacherous, cowardly creep…he should be thrown alive to the crocodiles! An anaconda should strangle him slowly! A poisonous spider should sting him and paralyze his lungs! The most venomous serpent should bite him and make his brain explode! No — panther claws should rip open his throat — that would be much too good for him! Huge red ants should piss into his lying eyes and gobble up his balls and his guts! He should catch the plague! Syphilis! Yellow fever! Leprosy! It’s no use; the more I wish him the most gruesome deaths, the more he haunts me

                          -Klaus Kinski in Kinski Uncut : The Autobiography of Klaus Kinski (1997)

Before I begin to talk about the more recent news regarding director Werner Herzog, I think it’s important for me to tell you why this German filmmaker should be on your radar. Besides directing films such as Grizzly Man, Fitzcaralldo, Aguire: Wrath of God, he is absolutely fascinating to listen to and

1.  He was shot mid-interview and continued with the interview anyway.  You can find the video proof HERE.

2.  He lost a bet against documentary fillmaker Errol Morris and ate his shoe when he lost the bet.

3.  He and I share a mutual dislike for chickens, describing them as “frightening for me because their stupidity is so flat. You look into the eyes of a chicken and  you lose yourself in a completely flat, frightening stupidity. They are like a great metaphor for me… I kind of love chicken, but they frighten me more than any other animal.”

There is so much more about him (like him reading Where’s Waldo), that I URGE you to look up more information about him.  I guarantee he will become your new favorite person.

SO THE NEWS: Continue reading

Commercials Done Right – The Date by Heineken

Commercial advertisements, video games and reality television have unofficially been the bastard children of the entertainment industry.  Sometimes rightfully so (I would put Dancing with the Stars near the top of my list), but all three mediums are going through a little bit of an artistic renaissance (well maybe reality television not so much).

cultural Renaissance in the works

Okay, jokes aside.  I’ve been thoroughly impressed by a number of commercials on television recently (tangent: I only recently moved into a house with a TV so I may be a little bit behind the times).  One of these commercials is the Heineken commercial below:

So for all you out there who believe that commercials cannot be art because their primary goal is to make money, I provide you with some of the references the commercial makes after the jump.

Continue reading

The Goon – PSA – How to Kill a Zombie

Okay, so this is my second post that mentions zombies today, but you know what, I feel like zombies have taken their place in the collective psyche over the last few years.  Each generation’s popular culture is a reflection of some unconscious issue.  The 80’s had its share of hyper masculine movies as Reagonomics was at its height.  Post 9/11, we moved into a series of superhero movies, and the trend hasn’t quite ended yet (plus we are already doing remakes only a few years later…).  So, Zombies it is… Walking Dead, Zombieland, Shawn of the Dead, etc…There must be collective fear of becoming sheeple or desire for us to differentiate ourselves in a time when so many of us are doomed to fail, but I digress…

The Goon is a comic series about a world filled with zombies, hobos, bog lurks and the communist mollusk airborne division just to name a few.  Dark Horse Entertainment announced in 2008 that they were planning on making it into a film, but they are lacking funding (It looks so compelling, I wonder why)    Clancy Brown and Paul Giamatti
provided the voices for the test.   This is an early rough test animation for the David Fincher / Blur Studios / Dark Horse Entertainment produced film THE GOON.  It starts about halfway through the video.

Impy’s Wonderland – When “Sex Bomb” by Tom Jones ends up in a kid’s movie

When I saw the above image as the chosen icon for a movie on Netflix, I knew I had to see this movie.  Usually I’m not one to watch children movies on aspiring dinosaurs performers and their journey to Hollywood, but for this one I made an exception.

Then I saw the reviews for Impy’s Wonderland.  Let me show you exactly what I am talking about:

Any time a children’s movie has a character singing “Sex Bomb”, lyrics unchanged, I have issues. It displays an obvious lack of discretion and abundance of stupidity on the part of the production team… for that reason alone this gets the lowest rating.

Then this one:

**********WARNING WARNING WARNING************ This “children’s movie” includes the Tom Jones song “Sex Bomb” for no apparent reason. Also as an accompaniment to the song… as it starts, two cannons each shoot out a load of glitter. I don’t know what other inappropriate content this “movie made by morons” will show, as we shut it off. I wish they would GET RID OF THIS MOVIE… PLEASE.

The scene takes place 40 minutes into the movie, and is the only thing that makes the movie worth it.  Those crazy Germans, always putting obviously adult song into their movies aimed at kids aged 5-10.  Watch the sex bomb scene below:  Impy’s Wonderland (Urmel voll in Fahrt in German)

Sexbomb sexbomb you’re a sexbomb
You can give it to me when I need to come along
Sexbomb sexbomb you’re my sexbomb
And baby you can turn me on turn me on darlin’
Sexbomb sexbomb you’re my sexbomb sexbomb
You can give it to me when I need to come along
Sexbomb sexbomb your’re my sexbomb
And baby you can turn me on