Rest in Peace Richard Dawson. Here’s an old article I wrote on the antics of game show hosts (and culminating with Mr. Dawson himself)

HAHABUDA

I love game shows.  But even more, I love game show hosts.  My top 3 favorite game show hosts of all time are: Chuck Woolery, Alex Trebek and Bob Barker.  And even though Pat Sajak, from Wheel of Fortune, seems like the creepy uncle I never had, he has a special place in my heart too.

SO, BIG SHOCKER HERE.  Pat Sajak recently admitted in an interview that he and Vanna White would get pretty plastered before the show in the early days of the Wheel.  As he states:

 Our dinner break would be two and a half hours long while they drove in cars and boats and gazebos…. We had a place called Los Arcos…. They had great margaritas, so Vanna and I would go across and have two or three or six. And then come and do the last shows, and have trouble recognizing the…

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GOOD TO KNOW… APRIL 3rd is Don’t Go to Work Day Unless It’s Fun… If only everyday could be that day…

She Can't Be Serious

April 3rd marks “Don’t Go To Work Unless It’s Fun” day.

I promise I didn’t make that up.  But while I can find nothing on how this holiday originated, let’s just say that since it’s on many of the national holiday calendars across the web, it’s official in my book.

As I see it, this holiday leaves us with two options.  Option #1 is to have fun at work.

Now be warned that I’m not recommending you to follow all my suggestions.  Throwing such caution to the wind could result in a reprimand, alienation of co-workers, a tarnished professional image, and worse yet, getting fired. 

You know I’ve got a disclaimer for everything.

But here are some things you can do to celebrate this day…if you just don’t care about all that.  Maybe you’ve won your fair share of a half-billion dollars in the lottery or something recently.  Yeah, I’m talking to those…

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LA Times, you are officially an asshole for ruining Desperate Housewives

There are certain things you should know not to mess with about me:

-I do not eat mayo or ranch, and I do not find it endearing or cute when someone jokingly says they will put it in my food (or actually put it in my food, which my mom once did).

-Saying that words with friends and Scrabble (aka the best game in the universe) are the same thing.  They are not.  One was created by carefully studying the letter distribution in the New York Times for a year, one is a cheap knock off, slightly changed to not violate copyright laws.

-I watch Desperate Housewives on Sunday nights.  I will not pick up my phone, go online or respond to you even in if you show up in person.

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WARNING DO NOT CLICK ANY OF THE LINKS BELOW (unless you want to) BECAUSE THEY CONTAIN SPOILERS

So the Los Angeles Times, posted an article on the front page of the LA Extra section called Spoiler in ‘Desperate Housewives’ trial stuns courtroom’.  Basically, Nicollette Sheridan, is suing the show’s creator and studio for wrongful termination stemming from the elimination of her character, Edie Britt.    This season, they’ve been planning on killing a character on the show and I had no idea who.  It’s been building up!  So much suspense!

So, right next to the article is a picture of Edie Britt, as well as another character, who will go unnamed.  And I look at this picture, and I think, there is no way in the hell that the LA Times is going to be so blatantly stupid and post a picture of the character who is going to die.

Well the caption read like this:

Actor OMITTED’s character in “Desperate Housewives” will be killed off, an executive producer revealed during court testimony.

I didn’t even have to read the article to find out who died.  Has the LA Times not heard of the rules of the internet? Where when we are about to reveal a spoiler, we say in big letters SPOILER.  It’s that simple!

I don’t know what is sadder, the fact that I watch Desperate Housewives or the fact that I subscribe to the LA Times.  Ugh.  Scratch that.  Definitely the latter.

Pizza Hut Engagement Package – $10,010!

Calling All Couples… Please buy the $10,010 pizza hut engagement package so that I can live vicariously through you.  If I was fabulously rich, I would totally just buy a pizza hut engagement package for myself. you get a ring, a good story and pizza!

Nonsense to Mom's Sense (of Humor)

Now I’ve heard it all. For the goon who’s totally clueless when it comes to women, here’s the ultimate bad gift on Valentine’s Day. May I introduce to you The Pizza Hut $10,010 Engagement Package. This is for the man who wants to ask his girlfriend to be his bride, yet thinks the best way to do this is over a Pizza Hut $10 Dinner Box. Because let’s face it, champagne, chocolates, and a romantic dinner where you actually use a fork to eat your meal are just so overrated.

And let’s not overlook the fact that if your sweetie can afford to get you something that costs $10,010, why the hell would he look to Pizza Hut? For that price he could literally fly you to Paris for that romantic dinner and pay Nicholas Sarkozy himself to hide your diamond among the croissants.

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The new (and more horrifying) snuggie: Footed Pajamas

I’m a proud owner of a snuggie. A leopard print snuggie in fact.  But footed pajamas…  There’s something that rubs me the wrong way about them.  It’s the thing that repressed memories, awkward Christmas gifts from Gran Gran and Adult Baby Syndrome are made of.
TOTALLY NORMAL SATURDAY NIGHT
Through my research I found that Jumpin Jammerz (CuTe MiSsPeLinGs and all) are at the forefront of the footed pajama craze.  In fact, Ryan Gosling and Ellen (along with the entire audience) wore them on her show.
Not Gimmicky at All

My favorite aspect of the footed pajama “craze” is that the marketing team decided that it would focus i’s attention on the 18-25 market. Snuggies, they know their place.  It’s for older, lazy people.  Or just straight up lazy people. Continue reading

Cool Video of the Day – OK GO and the MUPPETS

Although I’m not the biggest OK GO fan, I am really impressed by their successful efforts at one-upping their own music videos each time.  Their newest attempt includes something very dear to my heart… the muppets.  Check it out.

I’ll also include my favorite OK GO video (and one my favorite rube goldbergs) and the trailer for the new muppet movie (for those of you who live under a rock)

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Officer am I really an unkempt, wigged man with a fu manchu?

One of the few advantages of working in a law office (besides getting to use an industrial shredder that can DEMOLISH a hundred pages at once) is that I get to read hilarious police reports.  I didn’t know so many things are illegal.  Fish one too many salmon?  fish and game is watching you with binoculars. bam. ticket. Own too much Sudafed?  you might make meth. bam. prison.

The way to The Pokey

Okay, I’m simplifying things a bit, but I’m not kidding.  Those were actual cases we dealt with.  Our country is filled with a ridiculous amount of ridiculous laws.  At work, I see how people’s livelihoods are jeopardized by just stupid mistakes.  I’ve always wanted to glance inside the mind of some hardcore cop.  See how he views all the people he arrests.  Well yesterday at work, I found a glimpse.

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Phallic Cheeto for ch-ch-charity!

What mixes ebay, snack food and a good cause all together?  I bet you guessed correctly and answered a penis shaped cheeto!

YUM

For $1,000 you can get your phallic nibble and do whatever you want with it.  All money will be donated to the Roswell Park Cancer Institute (aside – I wonder if they are going to announce it in their monthly newsletter).  This Cheetoh was handled with soft gentle hands with the utmost care not to bruise or damage it – so no damaged goods!

Check out the ebay site here