My Top Nine Crazy Roommate Stories

For the Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23 Funniest Roommates Contest I made a video “MY INSANE ROOMMATE” – which you should all vote on (I have 24 hours of self promotion left, so I might as well roll with it). Aside: you can vote once a day, so vote again HERE (using google/youtube account)

So in the spirit of terrible roommates, I give you my terrible roommates stories.  Please share yours in the comments.

1.  The College Seniors who would throw keggers on Friday mornings at 8 am.  The girls would NEVER warn me. Then they would black out by noon, lose their jewelry/phones/clothes and then accuse me of stealing it.

2.  The SAME girls as in Number 1 who would knock on my door at 11pm, saying that my phone rang too loud and it disturbed them.

3.  I lived in a hippy co-op for two years (don’t ask).  We lived with a nudist, who used the van outside as his bedroom, which was totally fine (I ain’t picky).  but then the nudist couch surfers arrived.  I punched one when his junk got a little too close to my face.

4.  The roommate who was “on a diet” and worst of all, the Atkin’s Diet.  She would fry up FOUR SAUSAGES and shove them in her mouth with her pudgy hands.  THEN she’d smoke some weed and order the 5-5-5 deal (Remember that?) from Domino’s.  She would eat all of them to herself.  She wouldn’t share any pizza and then would eat the entire 3 pizzas over the course of 24 hours. In the meantime, the boxes would be placed around her on her bed.  I still can never look at pizza in the same way again

5.  HIPPIES.

6.  The girls I dub “The Trolls”.  Two LARGE sisters who sometimes had maggots growing on their dishes.  When I forgot to do my dishes on my birthday, they had a house meeting to discuss how inconsiderate I am.

7.  A roommate who after complaining for weeks about how she needs to do laundry, appropriates my underwear.  I found this out when I spotted it when she was wearing a mini skirt.  A girl’s gotta learn how to cross her legs.

8.  The Generic Drunk Person: Peed in my closet, forgot that he ate all my corn dogs blacked out, threw up in the shower, threw up in the kitchen sink, threw up in the freezer, hosted a party in my bedroom, etc…

9.  The roommate who threw the toaster against the wall when she found she was getting evicted.

Bad Roommates… Any good stories?

REMEMBER TO VOTE HERE SO I CAN WIN 5 GRAND

 

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Pat Sajak “used to” get drunk and other Game Show hosts behaving badly

I love game shows.  But even more, I love game show hosts.  My top 3 favorite game show hosts of all time are: Chuck Woolery, Alex Trebek and Bob Barker.  And even though Pat Sajak, from Wheel of Fortune, seems like the creepy uncle I never had, he has a special place in my heart too.

SO, BIG SHOCKER HERE.  Pat Sajak recently admitted in an interview that he and Vanna White would get pretty plastered before the show in the early days of the Wheel.  As he states:

 Our dinner break would be two and a half hours long while they drove in cars and boats and gazebos…. We had a place called Los Arcos…. They had great margaritas, so Vanna and I would go across and have two or three or six. And then come and do the last shows, and have trouble recognizing the alphabet.

Well Pat’s not the only one with questionable behavior.  Here are some other game show hosts behaving badly:

1.  Meredith Vieira gets hot and bothered for a young Navy pilot

“I’m ONE OLD HORNY WOMAN!”

“You can put your wet finger wherever you want it”

Nope, those aren’t quotes Continue reading

Jeopardy fans are not happy, may start nerdy riot

Please read Part I of the Jeopardy controversy HERE to get more fully up to date on the craziness that is happening among people who are usually too busy memorizing vice presidents, English royals and no longer circulating currencies (I kid, I kid. I love you guys).

A few days ago, I reported that Jeopardy has decided to close registration early for its online tests to qualify to be on the show.  Usually, you have until two hours before the test starts to register.  This year, they closed it off DAYS early without warning.  Rumor has it that hackers may have been a factor. Really, Jeopardy, just because we Jeopardophiles are smarter than the average bear, doesn’t mean we don’t participate in some good ole fashioned procrastination.

Things got awkward when they were still showing commercials saying you could register, despite the fact that registration was long since closed.

The correct response is “What is a douchey thing to do?”

Now, fans are not happy.  As one fan states on their facebook page:

Closing reg while still saying register on the tv sucks. I’ll be contacting Sony, SEC about false advertising, FCC, and the state Attorney General Department of Consumer Affairs. Hope others do the same.

YOWZER. That guy knows Continue reading

The Wonderful World of Sweepstakes Winning!

I’ve been semi-employed the last few months.  And even semi-employed is an overstatement.  Really I mean I’ve dedicated my time to re-watching cancelled sitcoms (woot Party Down woot), playing scrabble, and on a good day, going to the gym. WAIT. I didn’t even mention my job: I sometimes work in a law office where my boss sends me illegible post-its about the German Embassy which has NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING.

Though German barmaids would be an interesting addition to the office 

So, as an added source of income (and yes, that is how I rationalize it), I’ve decided to enter as many sweepstakes/contests as I can.  And in reality, it’s kind of like a job,but instead of getting paid in cash, I get paid in chocolate, eye cream and the Gwyneth Paltrow cookbook.

I did a less intense version of this before a couple of years ago, focusing on contests held in my city of residence, and I did pretty well:  a few show tickets, a pair of tickets to Beefest, and a pair of tickets to a Twilight event (the experience of trying to scalp these $4 dollar tickets to preteen girls marks one of the low points of my life).

Few things are scarier than this

BUT NOW, I am full-fledged sweepstakes fanatic!  In fact, I’ve actually won some stuff!  (NB: You can follow my my contest twitter account @lizzycontests to see everything I enter)

To show that people actually win stuff and to give props to the websites that provided me with happiness, here are some items I’ve won in the last month:

I wasn’t joking when I said I won the Gwyneth Paltrow cookbook because I did.  I originally thought it was a joke, but it’s actually a real thing that is unintentionally a joke.  I have yet to receive it, so in the meantime, I just post Gwyneth Paltrow quotes on Tumblr (yes, hahabuda has a tumblr)

 I basically love everything about hot dogs, except the hot dog bun – hahabuda

I also won a guacamole prize pack from Wholly Guacamole and Surviving a Teacher’s Salary.  Since coupons for guacamole and sandwich Continue reading

Toy Story Fashion Collection – I’ve always wanted a three eyed alien sweater!

So, I know that my following statement may make some film buffs a little angry, but I stand by it.  I think that Toy Story 1 was plot-wise a perfect movie.  No questions are left unanswered!  All characters respond to situations based on their own personalities and flaws in a way that is logical, driven and interesting.  It has a pair of protagonists (Woody and Buzz) that serve as antagonists for one another and their interactions motivate their actions that build up to a climax!!!!!!  Film Major ramblings aside, the movie is so gosh darn cute and I went to the 3D double feature by myself at like 11 am on a Tuesday (granted I fell asleep, but watching movies before noon is really hard for me).

So I have a minor obsession with Toy Story, and for someone who generally hates on Disney movies, It’s kind of a big deal (I never hate on Disney music though because that stuff is awesome).

So back to the original point of my story!  The Japanese have done it again and released a very cute Toy Story collection.  Hong-Kong based Bossini has collaborated with Pixar to create a range inspired by the feature film.

Would you wear it?

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Funny Video of the Day: Triumph the Dog goes to Occupy Wall Street

I’m not going to delve into the whole politics of Occupy Wall Street for this post.  I do love a good protest and I do hate a bad drum circle, but that’s besides the point.  What I’ve found missing from both sides of the debate is some good ole fashion humor.  I feel like two sides have developed: you either are committed to the cause and take yourself way too seriously or you are one of those curmudgeonly curmudgeons who hates those Anti-American, anti-freedom rabble rousers (I may be simplifying things a bit).

That’s why I was oh so happy to see Triumph the Insult Dog on the Conan O’Brien Show visiting Occupy Wall Street. It’s a bit crass, but it plays around with both sides and challenges in a (for me to poop on sort of way) some of the hypocrisies going on.

(Sorry for the technical difficulties, but) You can watch the full video HERE.

After the jump, the best Triump the Insult Comic Dog video (at the Star Wars Attack of the Clones Premiere at NYC) Continue reading

Plastic Surgery to look like Cartoon Characters – Are you for real?

I’ve never really understood the whole celebrity idolization thing, but in all honesty, I don’t really care either.  If Madonna is your ideal woman, weird knees and all, then good for you.  Have fun in your lil fan club and stalking the perez hilton website.

But, when someone spends over $10,000 on plastic surgery to look like someone famous, it kinda peeves me.  It makes me mad that people this stupid have enough money to spend on this (or the credit for it).  It makes me mad that there are doctors (aka quacks) who accept money to do the surgeries instead of sending these people to therapy. It makes me mad that there are TV shows (like I want a Famous Face) to encourage these people to live out their idiocy. (TANGENT: MTV you consistently destroy all my arguments that justify reality television.  STOP IT).

Celebrity lookalike plastic surgery? Stupid.  But to look like a cartoon character? Now this is just crazy.

So, in today’s news, a Philipino man named Herbert Chavez got chin implants, rhinoplasty, lip injections, and hip implants (wtf?) to look like my least favorite superhero Superman.

You can find the video on this madness (not in English, but easy to get the gist) HERE and you get to see his house.  It’s cool or weird or whatever.

Far more amusing is the 57 year old great-grandmother who got 10,000 pounds (currency not weight) worth of surgery to look NOTHING like Jessica Rabbit.  It’s so sad… and funny… but sad.   (Tangent: props to my mama for looking so beautiful without all this nonsense.  You look way more like Jessica Rabbit!)

Our culture needs collective therapy.

The morbidly eccentric Werner Herzog cast as villain in upcoming action movie

Herzog is a miserable, hateful, malevolent, avaricious, money-hungry, nasty, sadistic, treacherous, cowardly creep…he should be thrown alive to the crocodiles! An anaconda should strangle him slowly! A poisonous spider should sting him and paralyze his lungs! The most venomous serpent should bite him and make his brain explode! No — panther claws should rip open his throat — that would be much too good for him! Huge red ants should piss into his lying eyes and gobble up his balls and his guts! He should catch the plague! Syphilis! Yellow fever! Leprosy! It’s no use; the more I wish him the most gruesome deaths, the more he haunts me

                          -Klaus Kinski in Kinski Uncut : The Autobiography of Klaus Kinski (1997)

Before I begin to talk about the more recent news regarding director Werner Herzog, I think it’s important for me to tell you why this German filmmaker should be on your radar. Besides directing films such as Grizzly Man, Fitzcaralldo, Aguire: Wrath of God, he is absolutely fascinating to listen to and

1.  He was shot mid-interview and continued with the interview anyway.  You can find the video proof HERE.

2.  He lost a bet against documentary fillmaker Errol Morris and ate his shoe when he lost the bet.

3.  He and I share a mutual dislike for chickens, describing them as “frightening for me because their stupidity is so flat. You look into the eyes of a chicken and  you lose yourself in a completely flat, frightening stupidity. They are like a great metaphor for me… I kind of love chicken, but they frighten me more than any other animal.”

There is so much more about him (like him reading Where’s Waldo), that I URGE you to look up more information about him.  I guarantee he will become your new favorite person.

SO THE NEWS: Continue reading

Impy’s Wonderland – When “Sex Bomb” by Tom Jones ends up in a kid’s movie

When I saw the above image as the chosen icon for a movie on Netflix, I knew I had to see this movie.  Usually I’m not one to watch children movies on aspiring dinosaurs performers and their journey to Hollywood, but for this one I made an exception.

Then I saw the reviews for Impy’s Wonderland.  Let me show you exactly what I am talking about:

Any time a children’s movie has a character singing “Sex Bomb”, lyrics unchanged, I have issues. It displays an obvious lack of discretion and abundance of stupidity on the part of the production team… for that reason alone this gets the lowest rating.

Then this one:

**********WARNING WARNING WARNING************ This “children’s movie” includes the Tom Jones song “Sex Bomb” for no apparent reason. Also as an accompaniment to the song… as it starts, two cannons each shoot out a load of glitter. I don’t know what other inappropriate content this “movie made by morons” will show, as we shut it off. I wish they would GET RID OF THIS MOVIE… PLEASE.

The scene takes place 40 minutes into the movie, and is the only thing that makes the movie worth it.  Those crazy Germans, always putting obviously adult song into their movies aimed at kids aged 5-10.  Watch the sex bomb scene below:  Impy’s Wonderland (Urmel voll in Fahrt in German)

Sexbomb sexbomb you’re a sexbomb
You can give it to me when I need to come along
Sexbomb sexbomb you’re my sexbomb
And baby you can turn me on turn me on darlin’
Sexbomb sexbomb you’re my sexbomb sexbomb
You can give it to me when I need to come along
Sexbomb sexbomb your’re my sexbomb
And baby you can turn me on